1. |
Silent Conspiracy
05:13
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The ins and outs of my own devices
I'm as fresh as sunlight and my cylinder is brass
So pure you don't see the smoke when I exit the chamber
Turning water into power I'm a tournament of roses
It's my cake to take, baby
Obsession is nine tenths of the draw
It's just a purposeful accident
Now you're talking
I'm the American Federation of Style
One by one I'll knockout the rank and file
Keep ticklin' your Burroughs machine
Riley got nothing on me
There ain't no such animal!
Cooler than a railcar pulling out of the stockyards
Smooth as pneumatic tires
Snap as many photos as you want to, hello!
I pledge allegiance to the Eiffel Tower, and the view from balcony of the Chelsea Hotel
The lady of the house is standing in the Harbor
Lay down the law and clear the air
As a matter of fact I am scraping the sky with my cold Dr. Pepper and my central heat
I'm the matador of life's roller coaster
An incontrovertible solution to an otherwise unsolved mystery
It's bingo night at the Knights of Columbus and I am dressed to the nines
Going to get a screw loose chasing the wild goose
The punishment will fit the crime
Before he went out for a roll of Scott's Emile sang along with the gramophone
Said he'd check the crank on his way back
Oklahoma would be our new home
Social butterfly, life of the party, writing shorthand with my Waterman pen
Smelling of Mum's and breathing Listerine
I guess I'll get divorced again
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2. |
No Dice
02:18
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Sitting on a flagpole, picking at a band-aid,
a captain of industry, doing what comes naturally
Sorting my heebies from my jeebies
I can fake copacetic as good as Louis when he smiles,
for crying out loud your guess is good as mine
Miss America! How 'bout an Eskimo Pie? Put a good word in for me with the League of Nations
With ears full of wooden nickels it's easy to fantasize, I'll pour a couple of continental cocktails
name your poison . . .
Monkey see, monkey do, you can't take it with you,
you can't leave it here or live in a motel
Boilermakers and Black Bottom, some cans of Chef Boy-Ar-Dee
This is heaven or a Beautyrest, hey!
That rings a bell . . .
Confucius say, “X marks the spot.”
You and me both let's take a bow
Stop me if you've heard this one, what you see is what you got
Pajamas, whiskers and “meow.”
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3. |
(Do The) Crawl
04:37
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All my boats were burning so I got on the motorbus
But I was still in the frying pan
Feeling cheap at half the price, looked into my stereopticon device
Started double checking my S&H stamps
It's a cinch my face would stop a clock
Lost my count and missed my stop
Took my army knife to my pineapple can
It's a small world and Sigmund sat on the seat beside me
He's more than a little off his trolly
Offered to take me for Chop Suey
Couched it as an “errand of mercy”
I told him I pictured Cleopatra as a Gibson girl
He was alternating bites of Hershey bar and shredded wheat
And he leaned in too close and breathed, “between you and me . . .”
The driver announced Ellis Island
I said “Sig, my feet are killing me.”
He said, “You need your head examined.”
I replied, “I need a submarine.”
That guy's something about him, I must admit
That meeting was a blessing in disguise
Yeah, I'll never get elected to nothing in Christchurch
But I may be in the running for a Nobel Prize
I wonder if I can walk from here to Coney - Or I'm biting off more than I can chew
If I could get a dose of someone else's medicine
That would wash the salt from my wounds
Wash the salt from my wounds
Back to the mines
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4. |
Blood, Sweat & Tears
03:49
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Let's fill up the Tucker, get a can of Coppertone
See those Black Hills together, we've done enough Jitterbug at home
This is a story about the caves of Lascaux, I recorded it for you
But I dropped it and I broke it, so I put it back together with epoxy glue
You ain't seen nothin' yet
I heard it on the FM and the color TV, Ironed my suit and packed my zoom lens
Wrapped a batch of Betty Crockers in tinfoil, let the 8 ball pass us this time
Got a box of Bazooka rockets, let's straighten up and fly bebop
This Siamese town is strictly for the birds, I'm just shaking my head to loosen up the rocks
There's no percentage in the Joneses, that's my two cents and nothing more
Life begins on Highway 12, when you gotta go, you gotta go, gotta go
To coin a phrase, this ain't our scene, the party's started I can hear the clinking glass
Get a load of what the doctor ordered, let's skip to the head of the class
Chips are down and the boring men always finish last
Let's humding out of the hotseat and hotrod to the end of the world
We got a blind date with dead presidents, call me what you like but you're my girl
We'll be blowing bubbles at the pinball machines, flipping jumpshots and Cheerios
Let's bust a block together, we gotta do what we gotta do
Let's go
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5. |
For The Hell Of It
04:24
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Riding a camel into Pennsylvania Station
Got my finger prints all over it
Sinking my teeth into the lines at the dog track
another day, another dollar, ain't it the truth?
No fooling, no kidding, I see red!
A Kewpie doll with cellophane lipstick foxtrots past while others march
My neon geiger counter goes pop-up toast
and I back crawl through the amber light
get a grip on my ripcord
drop into the pocket for the forward pass
cool as a Carrier I present my parcel
For the hell of it
I may not be tall
I may not be dark
I may not be handsome
That comes out in the wash, wait and see
Can we get something straight from the horse's mouth
I'm precisely what I'm cracked up to be
Both my left feet can do the tango
I can disprove several facts of life
You don't have to wait for father's day to meet your daddy
how 'bout you and me share some daylight savings time?
Her answer was swiftly sent by air mail
Nothing to write home about
She may have mentioned the Grand Canyon
So I replied to clarify any doubt
I said, “Machu Picchu? Don't mind if I do!
All dressed up and here I go.
You don't have to believe in worker's compensation
And you can't have any of my Oreos.”
Business as usual, I'm doing things I wouldn't do
But, aw shucks . . . the good word is that I do come here often
I had a shot and missed the boat
It's just another nail in the coffin
For the hell of it
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6. |
'Twas Not To Be
03:55
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Feeling vulcanized, can't believe my eyes
In the Woolworth's with a purse full of zero
Tom Cook made it to Rome, I could feel it in my bones
Caught a cable car out of San Francisco
A mouthful of the grapes of wrath my lease on life was mimeographed
I was sliding through the streetlights as if the streets were Vaseline
My bait is cut but there's no fish, I Leslied myself a cavendish
Laid chalk on the Derby, told Reynaud he's full of beans
Hopkins watering the sidewalk sez he's going to the zoo,
“Put a hat on, you'll catch your death of cold!”
I'm going to watch the flames turn Chicago into Troy
Then celebrate Arbor Day in Monte Carlo
Six of one!
Here
Six of one!
There
Six of one!
Everywhere
A half dozen of the other
The balls nearly froze off the brass monkey
Packer tongue in cheeking on the log
Loud enough to wake the dead, twirled a finger around his head
Ordered a blue-blood from the Ward's catalog
A bad woman's love is a stump in a glove, a credential that's delivered by post
I'm all thumbs when it comes to correspondence
And I swear I know there's diamonds on the African coast
In my way I am as fit as a fiddle
Floating pure as ivory
The burning question answered
It was not to be
one or the other, you must choose . . .
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7. |
Is That So?
03:14
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By the skin of my teeth I got out of that pool hall, I tasted gold when I was licking my chops
A cloud of Brooklyn sparrows startled by a steam roller, I caught repose and leaned on a mailbox
Crum leaned into me and says, “The puck is gonna drop!”
I recognize the Colt that he's got stashed
He says, “They're drillin' oil and nobody is ever going to rot!
Keep followin' your nose the die is cast.”
Is that so? - The rotary motion
Is that so? - The killing machine
Is that so? - The fire alarm - The pistol is ready to fire and the letter is ready to go
In the elevator to the fifth floor of a New York City department store
I dreamed of natural selection and I am beyond belief
My mischief almost got my spots knocked off
And this paper bag full of potato chips reminds me of a photo of a solar eclipse
I hear the Wedding March played on calliope
I wished that I could wash my clothes in Oakland - Before my introduction in Los Angeles
Instead I'll take a frankfurter and some Worcestershire sauce
With one foot in the grave I'll get my beauty sleep
Is that so? - My best foot forward
Is that so? - The lock and the key
Is that so? - Start the ball rolling
The can is open the coil's red hot on the stove
Is that so? - Cut to the quick
Is that so? - It's a dead certainty
Is that so? - The fourteen ton bell is ringing
both ends are burning and we can make our own kerosene
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8. |
An Hasty Retreat
03:01
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Spit out my gum and paid for a martini - Inquired about the dynamite factory
Bartender pointed with a corkscrew - Then turned his attention to the ice machine
Let's fill our pockets with peanuts - Watch a zoetrope and ride on roller skates
I got a postcard from Vienna says it's gonna rain in London - And how to win a bicycle race
I overheard Whitehead, rattling like a ten barrel - Madder than a hatter
Paid to have a photo of a route between seas
Patting himself down for his passport - The jig is up and he is absent without leave
Maybe I'm just crossing a concrete bridge - Perhaps I need a Turkish bath
I have been accused of stealing bases - The Marquess can kiss! My! Ass!
Let's wash our hands and see the peep show - Take a Pullman to Yosemite
How about a can of salmon and Tabasco - I'm gonna get my Ph. D
Let's beat an hasty retreat
I had to blow off steam so I crossed some linoleum
Checked on the Red Stockings - Caught the elevated train
A T-man with false teeth asked directions to the dog show
I ducked into Stewart's to get out of the rain
Keep saying my cupboard's got a skeleton - I'll tell you that it ain't
Never got a medal of honor - I'm just an old hand at mixing paint
Cooking that goose with margarine - Let me in the back seat
Far be it from me to bet your life - The river's filling up with meat
Let's beat an hasty retreat
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9. |
Fit To Be Tied
02:46
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The call of the wild is on the wireless
the electric orange of the tubes is a collection of comets in jars
save me a slice of the sky, serve it in safety glass
going over my points in the cat bird seat
pantomiming the cake walk on fairy floss
Peary hollers down, “Is everybody happy?”
waiting on Shackleton's reply
After the graveyard shift, I'm a dyed in the wool conservationist
keepin' my shirt on, replacing my battery
Ziggy's got the boy scouts singing on the victrola
Morgan busy sucking up his rug
Emmeline is pressing all her baseball cards
get off my back I'm just enjoying my pepsi
Oh, Marie, you and me, obviously,
the second time around
I meant to send a teddy bear but I lost my bearings in the subway
search me how I wound up under the Hudson
I knew I should have taken the Oldsmobile
But I was slumming with an ice cream cone pretending it was the Cullinan
If it ain't one thing it's another - isn't that what you always say?
So, how's tricks, pardon my French - long time no see
I shudder when I remember Leavenworth
the Browning's on the bakelite, on the wall is the phone
I got Sanka and a pot to piss in and my feet are dry, thanks to Dr. Scholl
There's no harm in trying to face the music
Is it really such a dastardly crime to let the good times roll
Laissez les bon temps roulez
Place a call to triple A
Turn the page on this Imperial decade
That's all there is and there ain't no more
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10. |
Flying Leaves
03:20
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(Armed to the teeth on the trail) of a murder of crows
A riot running in my socks full of odds and ends
Wearing and tearing in my Faraday coat
The sax sounds crazy as a loon
Withdrew the blinds to see the flicker of Neptune
A toast to life with a sip from the coward's cup - Exquisite suffering from a swarm of bluetail flies
I have come with a tear of repentance - Dark top coat, Light top hat and a pelerine
Marie runs off with the Tyrolian
Sofronia is married to the Lord
Irene takes the weight of the Capitol collapse
Senta sees the bottom of a Fjord
Elizabeth didn't get to witness
The staff that sprouted leaves
After the moonrise the masks are removed in the forest
A rip fulfills the prophecy
(Scantily clad) with a vested interest
Wisdom tooth fixed in Baltimore
Blowing up the buoy to get us over the shoal
Hanging out in the ballroom
Having a laugh over nitrous
Me and Fiz standing still while the rest of the world goes backward
A toast to life with a sip from the coward's cup - Exquisite suffering from a swarm of bluetail flies
I have come with a tear of repentance - Dark top coat, Light top hat and a pelerine
Marie runs off with the Tyrolian
Sofronia is married to the Lord
Irene takes the weight of the Capitol collapse
Senta sees the bottom of a Fjord
Elizabeth didn't get to witness
The staff that sprouted leaves
After the moonrise the masks are removed in the forest
A rip fulfills the prophecy
A toast to life with a sip from the coward's cup - Exquisite suffering from a swarm of bluetail flies
I have come with a tear of repentance - Dark top coat, Light top hat and a pelerine
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11. |
Tale Twice Told
04:17
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(Dreamed of) seeing you at the Well of Seven
Empty skin and an arrow away
Chuckling at something from Fraser's
How all the soap and candles look the same
I whispered loud, “Let's split the poison.”
Couldn't see your face through the veil
Moonshine cast shadows on my memory
Clouds obscured this twice told tale
When I awoke I remembered you asked after Blanche
But I was just admiring her pumps
The Brooks Brothers threatened to pattern my cravat
When I declared Texas a dump
Wearing masks that looked like ourselves
Telling secrets that weren't true
Between you, me and the gatepost
Dear flowers, perished too soon
We thought we were following freedom
Navigating little tragedies
Carefully maintaining our mackintoshes
But sitting through a circus of fleas
Without the will to be able to know
Helpless watching Paris fail
The moon is in my wallet or maybe in your pocket
A talisman of a twice told tale
I think we planned to meet at a soda fountain
Maybe go under and how deep
Or we were supposed to dance the Lancers
I blew it and fell back to sleep
Now my eyes are crossed at the grindstone
My blanket is giving me a cold
Heads you win, tails I lose
I declare this a tale twice told
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12. |
Empire State
02:57
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I'm a stereo marathon, I'm a singing telegram
I am air conditioned, electric teflon I am
I am continent to continent, I'm a swinging butterfly
I'm a toll house of unamerican activity
I am Rudolf the red nosed Rockefeller
I'm a can of Krueger and an Alka Seltzer, a Bellini at Harry's
I was Istanbul before Constantinople
I'm a forty hour monopoly
I was all stars before Cooperstown
I'm a spangled valley authority
I'm a Lambeth walking blood bank
I am cash on the bonehead
I am Persia warmed over
I am cooking with Kool-Aid
I am the calm before the Contract Bridge
I am the golden george
I'm the short, the sweet and the Smirnoff
I am separated from the men and boys
I am the stewardess rumba
I'm the ball that is lost in the lights
I'm the coaxial exchange commission
I'm flying by the ants in my pants
I am the tango solo
I am a monkey's truck
I am a mouthful of Yoakumberry tonic
That goes double for that copy cat Carlson
I am a good clean complex
I'm what you say to all the girls
Life's like a bowl of ham, pull down your Ray-Bans
Button your guts and let your knees down
Park your stork in New York, bring on the dancing queens
Dig! You! Later!
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13. |
Nursery Rhyme
03:36
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Bushy and G.G. led through the doors
Sign said "All Hope Abandon Ye Who Enter Here" - 'Cept in Cantonese
Cast a Mandarin glance, figured it for hyperbole
Or at least a juicy introduction
Spent an unfair share assimilating the ticks and tocks
While my emotional astrolabe confounds the Homeward passage
Circumnavigating the seen before
Bays and plains, coasts and steppes
Entrances of forbidden invitation
Turnupons and three ways
Peppered by the question, "You lookin' for somethin'?"
Soothed my thumb gently over a button
Consumed by the ruffles in her neckline
Gobbling her all the way to her bonnet
Dreaming headrest fingertips
Thoroughly unfair, obnoxious and fragile, getting a callous from my pulse
Just paddling up the mainstream
The cool lingo soothes the “purposes of wrath”
A pang of mysterious reflection, “Who's that handsome devil?”
Proportional exhibition - Infinitely unutterable
A keyhole unfit to conceive
Leo put Doom in his ear and it came out of Blake's
We commence to air our vocabulary
Reached into my sheaf of lucifers
Smith asked if I could smell the salt of the lake
I can see the four walls clearly through the gaslight
Rolling over, can we do another take?
Play “Home Sweet Home” on the concertina
Cue the key bugle and the valved cornet
Caught the gaze of an owl, big as the moon
Long after he'd watched me hedge my bet
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14. |
Make a Wish (For Me)
04:01
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Halfway across the water – Portage on the crest
Wild as an onion at the end of the trail
A close fitting bodice – from her shoulders past her waist
On the White River through the Shield
So it goes, so its been – dreaming's fine with a skin of wine
Sleeping and smoking, just wake up on time
In those good news golden arms full of lucky charms – you can eat right off the tree
“When you get there, make a wish for me”
Beyond the Pines – roughly flowing, a river that bends like a bow
Someone had my back on the Skeena when I got sat next to a bluenose
Flying through Windsor or Northern Spirits through Churchill
Little Bear from Cochrane to Moosonee – or the sight of Lake Ontario
Rupert Trematon passes abruptly with his helmet on - Dazed he invades my repartee
“When you get there, make a wish for me”
The young deer calls to its mother
“When you get there, make a wish for me”
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Mister Alison Toronto, Ontario
A dystopian cabaret drawing from urban rivers and emptying into a darkly stirring show.
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